Marriage Essentials: Appreciation and Affection

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Do you know that expressing appreciation is one of the essential ingredients of a happy marriage? That’s right. According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, we must express at least five positive interactions to neutralize the impact of one negative interaction. In really happy marriages, couples express 20 positives to every one negative. The mostly destructive interactions contain criticism, defensiveness, contempt or stonewalling. When we express ourselves in this way without effective repair attempts, Gottman predicts divorce with 94% accuracy. Read more

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Healing the Relationship with My Father

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The Only Time I Saw My Father Cry

A Short Story About the Struggle to Forgive

Last Sunday, our pastor reminded us of Jesus’ message, “Before you pray, you must forgive.” A memory flashed across my mind of the only time I saw my father cry. Read more

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Intimacy Killer: Conflict Avoidance

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Do you avoid conflicts because you want to keep the peace in your relationship? That may work for a while, but eventually you will distance from each other, widening the gap in your intimacy – the very thing you did not want. You will find yourself in a catch-22.  If you do not deal with the conflict, distance eventually increases. If you deal with the conflict, fear of rejection or anger may increase. What’s the wisest thing to do? Read more

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How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

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If you are amongst the brave, you have fallen in love and taken your chances. Inevitably, our hearts are broken, whether within a long-term marriage or a short-term relationship.  In the following story, I share about my broken heart. Although my particulars may not be yours, please read the story with the intent to glean the wisdom that is meant for you or your loved ones at this time. Read more

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Overcoming Communication Challenges

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Surefire Ways to Create an Honest and Connected Relationship
An Interview with Drs. Gay and Katie Hendricks.

I took the following notes while listening to Arielle Ford interview Gay and Katie Hendricks, relationship experts whom I highly respect. Much of my couples work is similar to theirs, and I am happy to share their insights with you. If you use these techniques, your relationship WILL improve! Read more

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12 Agreements for Healthy Relationships

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1.  Vulnerability + authenticity + empathy = safety and intimacy
2.  Tell the truth faster.
3.  Ask: What can I do to love my partner in more purity?
4.  Increase your ability to love yourself deeply.
5.  Find the innermost pain, be non-judgmental. Stay present. Breathe! Read more

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Marriage Story: From Cold War to Resurrection

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“Our Journey Together With Benita A. Esposito”

 In the following story, you’ll see how a distressed couple on the verge of divorce transformed their marriage in six months. The story is told by the wife. If you want to skip the details, scroll to the end to read about the breakthroughs and what worked in therapy.

The Wife’s Side of the Story

We started our journey with Benita just over eight months ago. Our 15-year-old marriage was hanging on by a shredded string.  Read more

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Marriage Counseling Story. Healing the Physical Heart and Emotional Heart.

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square04Research published by the American Medical Association indicates that 90% of all disease is stress-related. Our mind, body, emotions, spirit and relationships intricately affect each other. When we heal the emotional or spiritual root of dis-ease, pain can ease up. Sometimes other physical symptoms vanish completely. I’ll show you what I mean in the following story. Emily’s heart condition and her emotional pain healed when her husband joined her in counseling. Psychotherapy can accelerate healing, and is used as an adjunct to medicine. Read more

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Marriage Counseling, Increasing Marital Intimacy: Carol’s Story.

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Carol’s heart was racing. She thought it could be a heart attack so she went to the emergency room. An MRI revealed no heart dysfunction so her doctor diagnosed it as a panic attack. She came to therapy because she wanted to discover the underlying cause so she could heal the condition without drugs.

Session 1. Carol opened our first session by explaining her recent medical emergency and then announced, “Let me tell you what I think is really causing this. It’s my relationship with my husband!”

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12 Keys to Conflict Management

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My first mentor told me, “Conflict is a necessary part of intimacy.”

I didn’t want to hear that. I hated conflict, but his words rang true. I knew I wasn’t good at conflict management, and because of that, many of my relationships did not thrive. That was 30 years ago and since then, I have spent zillions of hours learning how to handle conflict productively. Read more

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