I’m so glad you are considering pre-marital counseling to get your marriage off to a healthy start. You will receive the wisdom of 40 years of research on what creates masters and disasters of marriage.
Why is pre-marital counseling so important? For marriages that end, half of them occur during the first seven years.
Second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first-time marriages. Third-time marriages have an even higher divorce rate than second-time marriages. The average couples waits six years before seeking marriage counseling.
Emotional withdrawal and anger predict later divorcing: an average of 16.2 years after the wedding.
When you give yourselves the gift of pre-marital counseling, you will build a strong foundation from the very beginning so you can avoid the misery that leads to broken marriages.
Here’s a metaphor: If you want to dance well together, each of your needs to learn your individual steps, and you also need to know how to move gracefully together across the dance floor. You also need to know how to help your partner regain balance when he or she stumbles. When you both learn the same dance steps, your relationship gets so much easier.
Here’s the thing to keep in mind. No matter what the topic you are discussing, you need to maintain a strong emotional bond, even during conflicts. Learning how to sustain this emotional bond is the most important thing you must learn as a couple. If you do not figure this out, trouble will brew.
Here are some of my webpages that may interest you.
We will have an initial joint session, then two individual sessions, and then joint sessions for the remainder of our time together. I will ask for you to take the online Gottman Assessment, which gives a thorough look at your relationship strengths and weaknesses. I’ll be using a combination of two author’s theory and techniques: Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Both methods are heavily researched, and proven to be highly effective. That is why I use them. The number of counseling sessions depends on the your current skill level as a couple.
Recommended Reading and Viewing
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson. Based on Attachment Theory
- YouTube video on “Hold Me Tight”
- Still Face Experiment shows a baby and mother, illustrating the importance of bonding between parents and children. The same applies between husband and wife.
- Soothing the Threatened Brain with Love
- Why People Cheat, The Laws of Love
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 2015 revision by Dr. John Gottman
- YouTube video on the mathematics of predicting divorce. 27:53 minutes
- YouTube video on the best predictor of divorce 3:27 minutes
- YouTube video by Julie Gottman on 4 predictors of divorce 5:34 minutes
Want to get started?
Contact me, Benita A. Esposito, for a complementary 10-minute interview. I look forward to talking with you soon.
Benita A. Esposito, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor