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12 Ways to Get a Better Night’s Sleep

Covid-19 Support Series #2

I hope you are well and safe during this Covid-19 pandemic. It’s a scary time. We can’t always control the things that happen around us or to us, but we can control how we react to them. How we manage our sleep impacts our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being and our relationships.

Today I’m going to share information about sleep hygiene.

Insomnia contributes to physical disease, a compromised immune system, accidents and mental illness. It also damages our relationships because we have less emotional resiliency.

Stress and anxiety can disrupt sleep. It may be harder to get to sleep, or more difficult to sleep through the night.

Please answer these questions:
1. When you wake up during the night, can you get back to sleep within 10 minutes?
2. Do you wake up in the morning feeling refreshed?

If your answer is “no”, do as many of these activities as you can.

1. Aim for 7½ to 8 hours of sleep every night … even when you don’t have a regular work schedule. Maintain your schedule on weekends. When we don’t get consistent sleep, it’s like being jet-lagged. Those who sleep less than six hours are especially susceptible to infections. Many people who don’t think that they need 7.5 – 8 hours of sleep are success-oriented individuals who are in denial about the need for enough sleep. Inadequate sleep lowers your immune system.

2. Be mindful. Observe your thinking and behavior. Accidents of all kinds occur more frequently when we don’t get enough sleep and we’re stressed. We’re prone to make decisions in split-seconds instead of taking time to ponder wise choices. Have any of these events ever happened to you?

You ran your body into a piece of furniture and caused a deep bruise. You weren’t aware of your body in relation to the environment, and you didn’t see the piece of furniture.

You fell down the stairs when you were carrying too many boxes because you wanted to leave the house quickly.

You crashed your car.

I admit it. I’ve done them. During a time of crisis, we need to prevent as many unnecessary injuries as possible.

3. Examine your most important values. Take self-care seriously. One study indicates that most airplane crashes involve sleep deprivation. Even if you are not a pilot or a person in a high-risk profession, you can’t afford to dismiss the value of good self-care during a crisis. Your choices not only impact you; they affect everyone around you. Remember what the flight attendants tell us: in the event of an emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. If you don’t care for yourself well, you may not be able to care for anyone else.

4. Go to sleep at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. The more you wake up at the same time, the more your brain unconsciously tries to help you go to sleep at the desired time.

5. Design a wind-down routine.

  • Get in bed a ½ hour to one hour before you want to be asleep. It’s normal to need ½ hour to fall asleep. Do self-soothing practices.
  • Listen to my guided meditation: “A Journey into Wholeness.” Click here for the MP3. Click here for the CD.
  • Listen to The Ultimate Brain meditation with stereo headphones. These are soothing engineered theta wave sound patterns that move you into a state of very deep relaxation. I use it daily. It’s free on YouTube. Search for Tom Kenyon The Ultimate Brain video booster cz 720p 2212017
  • Listen to the meditation apps available for your smartphone.
  • Read a book, but only if it’s soothing and doesn’t stimulate your mind.
  • Pray.
  • Watch a calming pleasurable movie. No dramas, no violence, no politics.
  • Take a hot bath. Hot water followed by a cooling down process helps you sleep.
  • Adjust the temperature in your room to a cooler temperature.
  • 6. Create a sleep-friendly environment.
  • Make your bedroom as dark as possible. Buy room-darkening curtains if you need to.
  • Remove all sound devices unless you need white noise to sleep.
    Turn off the TV. Better yet, remove the TV from your bedroom.
  • Use a white noise machine if you need noise to help you sleep.
  • Remove electronic devices from your bedroom whenever possible.
  • The electrical current impacts your body and brain even if you don’t realize it.
  • Wear earplugs if you are particularly sensitive to noise. I like these comfortable earplugs that I buy from Walmart: Mack’s pillow soft silicone putty. Personally, I don’t like any other earplugs.
  • Don’t use your computer or smartphone one hour before bed. Get an app that turns off the blue light.

7. Consume a healthy diet.
Do not drink alcohol in the evening. Alcohol will help you become sleepy, but your blood sugar will drop while you sleep and then you will wake up in the middle of the night. Abstain from recreational drugs which weaken your immune system. If you must drink alcohol, limit it to one a day for women; two a day for men. If you are have trouble with alcohol or drugs, seek counseling.

Drink plenty of pure water. The rule of thumb is to drink half our weight in number of ounces per day. Example: if you weigh 120 pounds, you would drink 60 ounces of water each day. Dehydration can interrupt sleep.

Nix the sugar and simple carbohydrates (white bread, white rice, white pasta). These decrease your immune system and dysregulate sleep.

Eat anti-inflammatory foods: fruits, vegetables, lean protein, nuts, seeds and healthy fats.

Eat superfoods: Spinach, kale, red onions, capers, apples (eat the peel), berries.

Plant your own garden so you don’t need to go to the grocery store.

Eat a healthy small snack before you go to sleep. Eat a combination of proteins and complex carbohydrates to stabilize your blood sugar throughout the night. Examples: 5-10 almonds and 8 dried cherries with no added sugar. If you are a diabetic, seek your physician’s recommendations about a snack before bed.

8. Don’t do any activities in your bedroom other than sleep and make love. Your brain will unconsciously associate your bedroom with pleasure and sleep. Do all your other activities in another room.

9. Exercise at least 30 minutes every day. If evening exercise makes you too alert to go to sleep on time, exercise earlier in the day.

Soak up the sunshine for 10 minutes a day. It stimulates vitamin D and boosts your immune system.

10. Reduce or eliminate caffeine. If you’re having trouble sleeping, don’t drink caffeine. Not even in the morning. One of my psychiatrist colleagues says that caffeine can stay in the body for 2 days. The caffeine in green tea impacts you, too. I realize that people vary in their sensitivity to caffeine, but if you have trouble sleeping, don’t ingest caffeine for 30 days and see what happens.

11. Resolve your relationship conflicts. When we don’t feel securely attached to our loved ones, we experience grief and loss. All our emotions have a physiological counterpart. In my experience, grief is felt in the lungs. To help prevent and heal pneumonia and other lung-related dis-eases, mend your relationships as soon as possible. If your loved ones won’t cooperate, learn how to repair the wounds yourself. Seek psychotherapy and spiritual counseling.

12. Meditate mid-day to reduce chronic anxiety or insomnia. When our sympathetic nervous system is continually in a state of hyper-arousal, it’s hard to calm down at night. We call this state “tired and wired.” Chronic anxiety is really bad for our physical and emotional health.

Research says not to take naps during the day if you have insomnia. I recommend meditation to renew your energy when you are exhausted.

Take 30 minutes somewhere between 12 noon-4:00pm to go into a deep state of relaxation to calm down and renew your energy. Don’t meditate later than 4pm or you may have too much energy, and that will interfere with your sleep.

As I mentioned before, here are some resources to get a better night’s sleep.

Listen to “A Journey into Wholeness.”   Click here for the MP3.  Click here for the CD.

I’ve been using “The Ultimate Brain” meditation every afternoon at about 3:00pm for the last 30 years. That’s how helpful it is. Soothing sounds help increase your theta brainwaves, a state of very deep relaxation. It can also help eliminate pain. It’s free on YouTube. Search for: “Tom Kenyon The Ultimate Brain video booster cz 720p 2212017”

If you really desire to get a better night’s sleep, do this:

1. Print this article.
2. Put a check mark by all the activities that you want to use.
3. Schedule them on your calendar just like you would for any other important activity.
4. Set alarms to help you maintain the schedule.
5. Post a chart of your daily actions where you will see it.
6. Ask someone to be your accountability partner.
7. Even if you don’t do all of these activities perfectly, recording your behavior will keep you focused on your goals so that you will be more successful.
8. You might want to choose two or three items and become successful with those. Then add more until you master the whole list.

We create new habits after repeating new behaviors for 60 days. Consistency is the key.

You can do this!

I love you. I bless you. I believe in you.

Warmly,

Benita A. Esposito, MA, LPC

Benita Esposito is a psychotherapist in Georgia with four decades experience.

If you would like to schedule a complimentary 10-minute phone chat to see if we are a good fit for counseling, please complete the Contact Form.

I offer “distance counseling” by Zoom videoconference. I also offer FaceTime during this Covid-19 crisis to all residents of Georgia. In non-crisis times, I see clients in my Blairsville, Georgia office.

If you live in another state, it may be possible to receive counseling from me because the federal and state guidelines have changed during the Covid-19 pandemic. Please inquire on the website of your state’s professional counselor licensing board.

Please comment on this article or leave a question. Please it with your friends on social media.

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Reduce Your Stress During Covid-19

Covid-19 Support Series #1

I am sending you my love and blessings during this world crisis due to the coronavirus Covid-19.  I bless you with the wisdom to make healthy choices and to keep you and your loved ones safe from harm. Read more

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Intimacy and Deep Emotional Healing

Even in the best of relationships, couples sometimes struggle with emotional connection. They want to feel close, but it seems like there’s a wedge between them.

If this has ever happened to you, I want to help you successfully overcome this hurdle. Consider the following situation.

Imagine that your partner wants to tell you about his anger, or hurt or displeasure.

Now imagine your automatic reaction. What do you feel? What happens in your body?

Do you want to lean toward your partner and listen? Or do you feel on edge?

Many of us would say, “I think I’d rather not hear this story.” Our quick computer-like mind calculates how we can get physical or psychological distance so we won’t have to feel uncomfortable. Even if we stay physically close, our mind and our heart might not be very open.

The following behaviors prevent the exploration of emotional material that would help us understand our partner on a deeper level. In most cases, these behaviors occur innocently and unknowingly.

1. Give advice: “Listen to my suggestions and you’ll feel much better.”
2. Rescue: “Here, let me make it all better for you.”
3. Praise: “I know you’re a strong enough person to handle it.”
4. Criticize: “That’s a ridiculous way to feel. That’s stupid.”
5. Intellectualize: “You have no reason to feel that way. Think about it my way.”
6. Defend: “Yeah but, you never listen to me either. You hurt me, too.”
7. Convince, dominate: “My way is better than your way. Do what I tell you to do, pleeeease!”
8. Exit: “Oh, I just remembered that I have to call Sylvia back.”

Our partner won’t feel that we deeply connect with them.

When we distance, we often do so nonverbally as well. We break eye contact when we start to feel uncomfortable. We may turn away or walk out of the room.

Sometimes, we want to strike out with words or behavior.

Our instinctual brains go into protection mode. We call it the fight or flight phenomenon.

Sometimes intense emotions scare us. That’s why we want to get away from feelings in the first place. We might be afraid that we will go out of control and hurt ourselves or hurt someone else.

When we learn to contain our emotions
we don’t go out of control.

Why being intellectual does not work.

Our society prizes smart productive people. There is a certain amount of intimacy that occurs on an intellectual level, and thats great. But more often than not, we feel deeply loved when our partner meets us on a heart level.  

We hurt when we have unmet emotional needs. We want our feelings to be understood by our partner.

We need to learn how to stop intellectualizing and start feeling our suppressed and repressed emotions. We need to find an effective way to stay emotionally present with each other. We must learn to do this in a responsible way. We shouldnt dump our reactive anger all over our partner.

When we feel distant from our partner, we can remind our selves that we want an intimate relationship. We can tell our partner that. Thats a good first step.  

As we look for ways to create emotional intimacy, it helps to ask ourselves if our ideas will generate true closeness. Do we use sex or embraces or flowers or conversations or vacations? All of these can be absolutely wonderful, but do they generate enduring repairs for a troubled relationship?

Have you ever felt close for a little while, but the intimacy fades away all too quickly? Do you say to yourself, Theres something wrong with this relationship. I keep trying to get close, but the moments are too fleeting. Is this all that I can expect from an intimate relationship?”

Maybe you focus on the flaws in your partner. Maybe you try to get him to change. You think, Hes the one with the problem. If he would just change it would all be OK.”

Or maybe you decide that you are the one with the problem. You spend hours psychoanalyzing yourself, reading books and talking to friends. You understand your pattern better, but the same old feelings haunt you.  

The antidote is to develop the ability to feel our vulnerable emotions and stay 100% present.

We can develop the ability to unconditionally love ourselves. We can invite the unconditional love of God. Then we can experience our Authentic Self as larger than the emotional experience of the moment.

We can experience our emotions, but they no longer have power over us.

Then we feel centered.

Then our partner can experience emotions, and we can stay emotionally intimate with ourselves and with our partner. We dont get reactive. We can listen well.

We can handle all the ups and downs of a conflict like navigating the rapids of a river.

We can come through the experience together as partners rather than as adversaries. 

 

The Remedy: Empathy for Self and Our Partner

We all want to be understood and cared about. Empathy is one of our most powerful tools.

When we empathize with our partner, we feel their emotions to some degree and see things through their eyes.

That does not mean that we need to agree with our partner. And it does not mean that we lose our selves in the process.

Empathy means

that we let our partner know

that we feel what they feel and

that it makes sense to us.

Empathy pulls for empathy from our partner.

To empathize effectively, we must stop distancing from our own uncomfortable feelings that arise in the presence of our partner.

We must go deep inside of our own caves and caverns where we have not yet ventured to visit our uncomfortable emotions. We must find a way to make peace with our challenging emotions. Sometimes it is really dark in the cave and we might be frightened to venture in alone. We might want to ask for help from a therapist.

The deeper we are willing to go inside of our own emotions and explore our internal world, the more self-aware we will become. There may be all kinds of feelings that we have shied away from … hurt, anger, pain, sadness, fear, insecurity, guilt, or shame. These feelings may have been formidable enemies for us.

If we are not willing to make friends with these so-called enemies, these emotions will always have power over us. They will rise up in the most unexpected and unacceptable moments. They will be uninvited disruptive guests.

We may try to get rid of uncomfortable emotions, but they will cycle back around again.

So we try harder to make them go away.

We eat too much or sleep too much. We might drink too much alcohol or take drugs. We might talk with friends. We work too much. We shop for things that make us feel good temporarily. Or maybe we run into the arms of another person to try to feel good … or at least not feel so lonely.

We have all kinds of ways of running away from intimacy with our selves.  

When we dont stay 100% present with ourselves, it is impossible to be close to our partner when he is experiencing difficult emotions.

 

How to Make Peace with Our Uncomfortable Emotions

Imagine there is a part inside of you who feels the uncomfortable emotions. I often imagine this to be a child part of myself. Notice how old your inner child seems to be.

Now imagine that you also have a wise nurturing adult part of you. The nurturing wise adult is compassionate and wants to understand the child. She is willing to be fully present. She is a caring witness. She says, Tell me all about it. Im here for you. Tell me what you need and Ill do my best to help meet your needs.”  They explore the situation together. They build their relationship.

The child and the wise adult interact like a scene in a movie. As the wise adult tunes into the child, the child will eventually feel safe enough to open up. When the adult loves the child and tries to meet her needs, the child will receive the healing instead of being closed off.

It helps to journal this story as it unfolds in your mind so you can stay focused. Most people need to do a series of writings before their inner child feels safe and healed. You may require a skilled therapist to help you with this process.

When we feel safe to disclose our deepest pain in the presence of a compassionate other,” we feel better simply because we have a caring friend. This friend” can be our inner wise adult self, a spiritual being, our partner, or another friend.

We no longer feel alone or lonely.

Feeling supported, we can more easily accept ourselves. We can open to receive healing from our spiritual source. We can think more clearly and receive wisdom.

We can always sit down with our inner child, our spiritual source, and our wise adult and do this process. The inner dialogue helps us feel whole and remain patient and grounded until our partner can be emotionally available.

Hopefully, our partner will choose to engage in this process as well.

As we do more healing with our inner family, we feel more inner peace. Then we have more ability to be emotionally intimate with our partner. We can help him feel understood. We can express compassion and empathy. We are both healed by Gods love that flows through us.

 

Conclusion

This article only scratches the surface of how to develop emotional intimacy when you experience conflict. I hope you have gained a few good insights.

If you are serious about developing your ability to maintain emotional intimacy, look for a therapist who has done his or her own healing work … someone who has ventured into their own dark caves and made peace with the emotions they have found there.

Some people complain about spending years in therapy and not getting the results they want. They intellectually explore their patterns, but their lives dont significantly change. Thats why we need to do deep emotional healing work.

Transformation occurs on the emotional level.

Intimate relationships are possible.

It takes a dedicated commitment and desire to cultivate intimacy within yourself and with your partner.

It requires handling conflicts and emotions as they arise and not running from yourself.

It requires realizing that you and your partner are mirrors for each other. What you see in your partner is often a reflection of yourself. If you dont like what you see in your partner, it is probably because there is a counterpart that you havent made peace with inside of yourself.

If this sounds like a lot of work, it is. But just like any labor of love, it is worthwhile for those who have a burning desire for the riches of genuine emotional intimacy.

 

About the Author

Benita A. Esposito, MA is a licensed professional counselor in Georgia with four of decades experience. She is also a spiritual counselor available by video conference to people worldwide. Click here to read her credentials.

If you would like to see if you are a good fit for Benitas services, please click here to complete the contact form and request a complimentary 10-minute phone session.

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Deep Emotional Healing Retreat Fall 2020

This is a semi-private intensive retreat. October 3-4, 2020

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Early bird discount: Save $25 by August 3, 2020.

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Excavate and express your radiant Authentic Self …

the person God meant you to be.

Maximum of 6 participants. Register now to insure your seat.

Venue: Young Harris, Georgia USA

Unresolved emotional wounds decrease our ability to create fulfilling relationships and a meaningful career. They contribute to stress, dis-ease, anxiety and depression. But the good news is, you can heal.

Who Should Attend? Adults. Singles and couples are welcome.

Prerequisites: 3 private sessions for new clients must be completed at least one month before the retreat. Please apply now to get started with your private sessions if you are a new client. Complete the Contact Page for a complimentary10-minute get-acquainted phone chat to see if we are a good fit.

Why Attend this Retreat?

Relationship issues: Do you get emotionally triggered when you have conflicts and it takes a long time to recover? Wish your relationships were more fulfilling? Do you find yourself repeating unwanted patterns?

Spirituality: Do you get thrown off-center when things don’t go your way? Do you want to feel whole all the time, no matter what people do?

Mindset and Mood: Do limiting thoughts and “monkey-mind chatter” generate anxiety or depression? Do you procrastinate, hoping conflicts will just go away?

Health: Do you experience physical illness or pain? Do you suspect that unhealed emotional wounds may be a contributing factor?

Career: Do you want to create a meaningful career where you can be your Authentic Self? Do you sense the creative reservoir within, but you don’t fully express your gifts in the world?

Work-Life Balance: Do you find yourself being so busy that you have trouble finding enough time for your loved ones and down-time for yourself?

If you answered “yes” to many of these questions, I want you to know that you don’t have to continue to suffer. This retreat can help you make deep core changes … more than you think is possible in one weekend.

Retreat venue. Photo credit: Benita A Esposito

Retreat venue. Photo credit: Benita A Esposito

“I just wanted to thank you again for hosting such a wonderful and inspirational weekend retreat. I continued to ride the wave all the way home! As I reflected on one of the weekend’s more intense moments I found myself crying tears of despair, but they were instantaneously transformed into tears of joy as I instinctively felt comfort from the Divine. Thanks to your guidance, I now know how to access the healing, the answers, the wisdom and the love.” ~B.M., Computer Programmer

This retreat will help you …

Raise your relationships, career, health and spirituality to a whole new level of fulfillment.

Receive insights so compelling that you naturally flow into effective action instead of getting bogged down in self-defeating patterns.

Experience rigorous yet gentle leadership so you stop procrastinating and effectively reach your goals.

Allow God’s love to heal you and release wave after wave of creativity. Bask in the sweetness of spiritual intimacy, drawing ever closer to God. Enjoy accelerated healing in the beauty of our mountain lake.

  1. You’ll transform life patterns that no longer serve you.
  2. You’ll heal emotional wounds so you can create what is most meaningful in your life.
  3. You’ll be better equipped to create flourishing relationships.
  4. You’ll connect with your Authentic Self and God so you can feel whole all the time.
  5. You’ll develop self-compassion so you accept yourself right where you are, flaws and all.
  6. You’ll learn skills to reduce physical and emotional pain. Your body will feel safer to unwind and relax. You’ll heal faster.
  7. You’ll experience the sweetness of spiritual intimacy and unconditional love in a group of like-hearted companions. Feeling safe helps you open up.

Last night while soaking in the hot tub, I had a mental slideshow of past retreats and how transformative they’ve been for me.  For many years there’s been a deep ache inside of me because my father didn’t affirm me. This unresolved pain caused great difficulty with my romantic relationships. During the breathwork session at the last retreat, while I was in a dreamy state, I appeared as a radiant bride and my Dad finally gave me the adoration I have wanted all my life. Now six months later, I still feel the love that was planted in me during that retreat. What a priceless journey, worth more than gold!  – T.H, Entrepreneur

What Makes This Retreat So Powerful?

This retreat is a safe place for you to dive deep into emotional healing so you can experience major transformation in a compressed time.

Private counseling sessions of 50 minutes don’t allow for this kind of deep healing. You have an entire weekend to heal layer after layer. Your Authentic Self will shine so much more brightly.

You will benefit from my four decades of professional counseling expertise, but the most powerful healer is the Holy Spirit.

This retreat is custom-tailored to the small group of 4-6 participants.

–>If you’d like to see if this retreat is a good fit for you, please complete the Contact Form for a complimentary 10-minute get-acquainted phone chat. I look forward to hearing from you.

Location: A home overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains and Lake Chatuge. Bordered by the Chattahoochee National Forest. Young Harris, GA. Two hours from Atlanta, Chattanooga and Asheville.

*** If you are allergic to cats, tell me know before you apply so we can discuss if this retreat is appropriate for you.

“As we closed the retreat, I felt, probably for the first time in my life, a deep grief that I would be leaving a group of people that meant so much to me. It’s rare for me to have a deep desire to continue to be a part of new people’s lives, and have them be a part of mine. This is one of the gifts that I received this past weekend. My path in life has been a solitary one, and I mostly liked it that way, but at the same time I felt lonely, isolated, and different. I never before realized how much I wanted to share myself with others, and to share their path and their experience.” E.W., Software Development Consultant

Retreat Activities. You will complete a questionnaire two to three weeks before the retreat telling me exactly what you want to experience in this retreat. I will design processes to meet your specific needs. The agenda remains fluid throughout the retreat so that everyone’s goals are met.

There will be several types of experiential learning formats that facilitate deep transformation:

(1) I will coach one person while the group learns vicariously. Group members learn more than they ever thought possible by observing someone else being coached. We have Q&A sessions to answer all your questions.

(2) Several people with similar issues will participate in a transformational process simultaneously.

Photo credit: Benita Esposito

(3) We will have at least one long Breathwork session. Breathwork is my most effective tool for generating deep spiritual-psychological-emotional-physical transformation.

Note: Read all these pages before you apply.  Breathwork is an intense transformational process. That’s why it is important that you read all the following posts before inquiring about the retreat.

Read this description of Breathwork.

Read these client stories on Breathwork.

Read this Breathwork Q&A discussion.

Click to read FAQs – What is it like to attend a Deep Emotional Healing Retreat?

TallulahGorgeFalls BEsposito

Tallulah Gorge by Benita Esposito

(4) Short lectures, written exercises, hand-outs, movement to music, mindfulness, deep breathing, relaxation, body-awareness activities, and didactic conversations.

“I had never really even entertained the idea of doing a retreat. Scared me to death. This time I had some help coaxing me to go, but I knew I would do it anyway. Once my spirit decided it was the place to be, then it was so powerful that I had to surrender. So far it’s been one life changing experience after another. Right now I am flying. Can you tell? I mean high! I feel like running up this path barefooted if I have to. What an amazing life I have!” – V.S., Psychotherapist

Agenda: Saturday and Sunday

Arrive at 9:00-9:15am *

Group 9:30am – 12:30pm

Break  12:30 – 2:30pm

Group  2:30 – 5:30pm

Saturday evening: group dinner

Please be flexible on the ending time Sunday to accommodate the needs of the group.

We will take one long break during the afternoon to walk at the lake, meditate, nap or deepen friendships. It’s your choice.

This semi-private retreat consists of 4-6 people. If we have 4 people, we will meet five hours on Sunday, instead of six hours.

Note: Every retreat is different and is designed to meet the needs of the specific participants. Some people attend retreats for several years, deepening their growth and renewing friendships with other participants.

“My cheek muscles have been sore since I returned from the retreat. Could this be from smiling so much that it hurts? I have to say, when I left the retreat I had some good gut wrenching cries of loss and now…. wow, I do believe that joy is here. I am walking around singing, laughing, and just having fun with myself.  I want to spread this around to everyone.”- M.F., Technical Trainer

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Photo Benita A Esposito

Facilitator: Benita A. Esposito, MA, LPC

Benita is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Christian healer with four decades experience. I respect all spiritual paths that advocate love and respect for life.

Benita’s Bio

Want a preview of my work?

Click here to watch my book video: The Gifted Highly Sensitive Introvert: Wisdom for Emotional Healing and Expressing Your Radiant Authentic Self.

 

“By working with Benita Esposito over the last eight years in one-on-one and in group settings, I have deeply explored the outer reaches of consciousness, and the inner depths of my body-mind-soul-emotions. Via strong empathetic connection with me, Benita has intuitively guided me and coached me through issues so I can create healthy personal and business relationships. I benefit most from group retreats where there is a mixture of people’s energies. The extended time to work on things is crucial to digging deep and making major changes, while the beautiful Nature settings give me the soothing arena I need to process the experiences. Jump at the chance to be involved in a retreat as often as possible – that is my recommendation. If a retreat doesn’t suit you, choose another format. It is an honor and a privilege to have Benita as the co-creator of my true destiny and journey towards my Authentic Self.”  ~ L.S., Software Engineer

 

Tuition includes Saturday night dinner.

$595.00 for two full days.

Early Bird Discount: Save $25.00 by August 3, 2020.

Space is limited to 6 people. Register now to save your seat. Tickets will sell out quickly. Meals and lodging are on your own.

Contact me to receive payment instructions.

***Register early because you must fulfill the prerequisites. Email me via the Contact Page and tell me you want to apply for this retreat.

Remember this Prerequisite:

New clients must have at least 3 private sessions. This can be in-person, on the phone or video-conference. Retreats are profound and intense. I need to make sure you are prepared and that the retreat will be a good fit for you. Please inquire about the fee for these private sessions. Contact me.

List of hotels and restaurants. Book your hotel early. Space fills up quickly because of the Fall leaf season in the mountains.

Photo credit: Benita Esposito

Refund Policy

All refund requests must be made via email. Complete the contact form.
• 30 or more days before the retreat, there will be a full refund minus a $50 processing fee.
• No refunds 0 – 29 days before the retreat, but you may apply your fee to private sessions or another retreat within 1 year, minus a $50 fee.

 

Facilitator’s Cancellation Policy

If an event must be cancelled due to unforeseen events (such as the weather or illness of the facilitator) the event will be rescheduled. Every attempt will be made to accommodate a new date that will suit your needs. If that is not possible, you may apply your tuition to another event of your choice within one year or apply your fee to private sessions.

“When you polish your facet of the diamond, the whole diamond glows more brilliantly.” ~ Benita A. Esposito, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor

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Why Breathwork Creates Rapid Changes

Visit the Events Page for all the retreat updates.

While weekly therapy sessions help sustain steady growth, sometimes this may be too slow for you. If you are eager to make faster progress, I’d like to tell you about a technique that creates breakthroughs better than any method I know.

Read more

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Why We Think We Shouldn’t Be Needy

by Benita A. Esposito, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor

“In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us.” ―Sue Johnson, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

 

Do you judge yourself for being needy? Well, I did for the longest time. Read more

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Dr. John Gottman’s Marriage Research FAQs

Is Dr. John Gottman really able to predict whether a couple will get divorced with 94% accuracy?

Statements about the 94% accuracy rate of divorce prediction have become a source of confusion. People hear Dr. Gottman’s prediction rate is 90 or 85 or 94 percent accurate (depending on the study) and find it amazing, unbelievable and downright scary. (He often tells his wife that this is why they don’t get invited to more dinner parties!) Read more

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Dr. John Gottman’s Marriage Research Statistics

Dr. Gottman’s mathematical research on “masters” and “disasters” of marriage predicts divorce with 94% accuracy rate based on 3,000 couples in longitudinal studies.

Here are some key statistics below.

  • Half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years.

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Healing the Relationship with My Father

The Only Time I Saw My Father Cry

A Short Story About the Struggle to Forgive

Last Sunday, our pastor reminded us of Jesus’ message, “Before you pray, you must forgive.” A memory flashed across my mind of the only time I saw my father cry. Read more

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Healing Abuse. Susan’s Breathwork Story.

A bright 30-something woman, Susan vowed that she would never return to her abusive ex-boyfriend. But two weeks ago, she did.

She was driving down the interstate while he sat in the passenger seat. They were traveling to a concert in another city.  His rage flared into a frenzy.  She had seen this way too many times before. Read more

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